Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
