Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
