you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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