Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
