You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
