i think my mom watched the whole time
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
