ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
