i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
