i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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