my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
