I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize