i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
