Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i would one night stand the shit outta him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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