I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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