you mean i was at the winter classic?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
