Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
