I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
