Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
