Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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