How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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