I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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