just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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