I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
