if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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