I wish I could punch you in the face.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
