I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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