I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
