I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
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I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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