So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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