Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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