I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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