My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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