we're blogging at a bar
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
