is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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