I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
