nut hugger
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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