hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
