i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
