Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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