i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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