I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
