all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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