You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
