I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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