he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
