I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
