shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize