he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
