the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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