so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
