I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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