U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
