I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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