I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize