Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
